Many of us find ourselves reflecting on how we were raised, thinking about how our parents’ actions, values, and habits shaped us. Looking at our past and how we were raised can help us become better parents ourselves. Here are some key qualities that can signal positive parenting, each representing the unique ways parents nurture, guide, and support their children.
Attunement: The Power of Being Seen and Heard
Were your parents attentive listeners? Did they try to understand your world and meet you where you were emotionally? Attunement means they were focused on you as an individual, creating a safe and nurturing environment. A strong parent-child relationship includes the ability of parents to truly see and respond to their child’s needs and emotions.
Appreciation for the Small Things
Good parents know that even small moments in a child’s life are important. They validate your excitement or sadness, even if what you were going through may seem trivial from an adult perspective. This quality is about appreciating the child’s reality and respecting their experiences.
Encouragement of Self-Discovery
Every child goes through unique phases as they figure out who they are and what they like. Some of us were wearing a Spiderman costume to school, watching the same movie every night or dressing goth (it’s not a phase, mom!”). Great parenting involves having faith that a child will find their true self in time, creating space for them to try new things, question norms and express themselves fully – even if they don’t fully understand it themselves.
Forgiveness and Validation
Everyone makes mistakes, and children are learning as they go. Did your parents give you the benefit of the doubt and allow room for growth and learning? Forgiving parents interpret behavior through a compassionate lens, aiming to understand rather than criticize, which helps children learn from their mistakes without feeling ashamed.
Embracing Imperfection
A good parent doesn’t try to be perfect but rather shows up as their true, imperfect self. Parents should allow themselves to make mistakes and grow alongside their kids. This shows them that life isn’t about being flawless. Embracing imperfection teaches children that they don’t have to be perfect to be valued and that mistakes are natural and often help us grow.
Being Boring – Or Predictable
Consistency is comforting for children, and a predictable environment offers security. Did your parents keep their emotions balanced and moods steady? “Boring”, but consistent parents understand that children thrive with routine and reliability. This ensures that the kid’s own ups and downs don’t create unnecessary stress for the family.
Unconditional Love
One of the defining features of good parenting is unconditional love—the love that gives without asking for anything in return. Hopefully your parents loved and supported you, even if you sometimes didn’t appreciate it at the time. Offering unreciprocated love fosters a child’s self-worth and emotional health, teaching them that they are worthy of love simply by being themselves.
Reflecting on Your Own Experience
Good parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about creating a space where a child feels seen, accepted, and supported, helping them build a strong foundation for self-confidence and resilience. Which of these qualities resonates most with you? Reflecting on your own childhood can reveal what worked well, and what you might carry forward or adapt as you consider your own parenting values.
